Back in the 80’s, I spent two years studying with native folk who ran a healing center on Oregon’s Mt. Hood.  The women and men there

introduced me to the red road.  I had worked at AA’s 12 steps to happiness and was “ripe” for these teachings.  We made “death masks”, light and dark bundles, drums and rattles, regular sweat lodges and these teachings coupled with a quest for a vision changed my life from my fathers God to mine – from money to meaning, or both and..  My light and dark bundles are 30+ old – maybe I need to revisit these.  The Mother Earth longs for our tears, another way the sweet tears of letting go absolutely of old ideas, and begin anew each day.  Water is the gateway to humility.  Staying “right size” in my/our physical, mental, emotional and Spiritual lives.  I am double Scorpio – sun and rising signs.  My Wy’East teachers gave me the name “Winter Sun Fire”  My other given Gros Ventre name translates to “4 Star”.  Bridging the cultures of black, white, red and yellow.  Blended, these four races come together in peace, knowing I am stronger united that

divided.  The Winters at bear creek involve the “snow queen” and the Ice, or frozen water.  My daily morning ritual is getting into hot water.  As I write this, I am listening to slow progressive jazz.  Bear Creek brings me back to my original nature.  Only 50 miles from my home in Portland I journey to our four door lodge, each facing a direction based on solstice and equinox and the four seasons.  Making prayers for the healing of the plant, animal, mineral and human realms

– I am of this earth and apart of the all that is.

There is teachings in paradox, or two opposing truths.  In a chapter in AA’s “Big Book”, second edition is a chapter called the professor and the paradox.  The primary paradox is the first step -admitting my  powerlessness over people places and Alcohol.

we surrender

to win.  This is followed by we die to live, we suffer to get better and we give away to keep.  I stay sober by sharing my story with others.  In my elder-hood, my goals are to finish what I start.  Endings can be hard, but nothing can begin until there is an end.  Freshly divorced or separated folk are in chaos for awhile until they return to loving the one they are with – themselves.  As I tend to myself, I can truly tend to others.   Otherwise, I am co-dependent, which is a source of self betrayal.  “To thy own self be true”  Scorpios like to get to the bottom of the emotions – like the moose who feeds on the bottom of lakes – the “depth of Emotion”.  My soul is my waters – the cold waters of bear creek and the hot springs in Carson and my Portland home – followed by loving touch.  Massage is the deepest healing – at my three trips to “The Raj”, I had two men on either side of me giving me massage, hot oil drips and both worked “entrained” with each other.  I noticed how hard it was to let their touch penetrate my armor.  My most deep memories lie inside the body, and the hot tubs, saunas, sweat lodges and deep tissue massage over time will make the final gate full of ease and grace.  In her “Second half of Life” book, Angeles Arrien speaks of the eight gates of wisdom – coming in through the silver gate and departing though the gold gate.  Have I manifested my Destiny?  Perfectionism is a curse.  Have enough trust to take risks into the unknown today.  We grow by touching and gently stretching at our edges.  I love teaching my “12 Steps and the Red Road class”.  What I resist, persists.  We have shifted to the decent into our darkness – remember to make space for play, lest we get lost.  And follow what has heart and meaning.