Heart Space

South to West – 12 steps and the Red Road – Trust

Back in the 1980’s was my transformation from

four fours

the rule of gold into the golden rule. 12 step recovery began in the mid 1970’s and I am coming up on 49 years without my isms. My “devilish” alcoholic insanity took me to the road “down and out”. No one knows Continue reading “South to West – 12 steps and the Red Road – Trust”

New beginnings – morning pages

My last drink was Feb. of 1975.  Working the 12 steps and a prayer on a hill led me to the drum – the heartbeat of my mother. As a drum maker, I have learned the importance of a balanced life of work, play, love and support. The drum hoop is the foundation – the walk around the wheel of life and plant trees to feed and provide for future generations. The red road and 12 steps has been my guide to a life of gratitude and hope. I have been given this day to “hook up” to ki, chi or the higher power that guides me. Each morning I either wake up with yesterday or I I see with “new eyes” as a child – becoming childlike rather than childish.
Embracing my yin/yang nature is the path of happiness, abundance and joy – singing my/our songs once more. The drum is my mother – her heart and mine beating as one.
My mind, my creative fire, my groundedness and roots and my journey back to spirit is the gift of life.
Both and – clear mind, intention, perseverance and courage and widsom to change what I can, which is my own attitude – is it one of entitlement or gratitude? Embracing my beast and my beauty, and walking the red road – from body to spirit. The gift of life to use my gifts or waste chasing love. Be still, and the guidance will come. In nature I heal.
Embrace the diversity within and forgiveness for my past ignorance. Walking around the wheel of life – mind, spirit, body and soul is both woman/man inside – each day, I have a do-over… to let go of expectations and be grateful for what I have. – the walk around the wheel of life and the four ridges – the unborn and newborn, the children and adolescents, the adults and the elders – I am an elder who has wizened or been wizened by my decent into the underworld to rescue the lost souls. I was/am a spiritual being in a human experience. My creator has three answers to my prayers yes, no and wait. Impatience is ignorance extended. Meditation is listening for divine guidance – having patience is heartspace. In the beautiful “Pachamama” song, there is a verse that goes….”there’s no highs nor lows, there is nowhere you need to go, just inside of you is a star, saying just be as you are. The nature of me is to relax my asshole and let go of “trying”, which is “lying”. In my work with shadow, the mirror is used to see the beast and beauty in myself, and feed the beauty a bit more than the beast. “I have seen the enemy, and it is me”. Self love develops esteem – I am no greater nor lesser than you – I have only to let you in – open to revive and receive the radiance inside – this is my “luster” the root of lust. At the winter of my life, hospice has five stages before we return to the “happy hunting ground” Please forgive me, I forgive you, thank you, I love you and goodbye. The eagle guided me to both Portland and Carson. Chivito, my friends and I are collaborating to bring back a school of drum making, rattle making, drum circles and eco-phychology at bear creek – a school, church of the sweat lodge, sauna and hot tubs and organically grown food prepared with loving intent from our sacred Mother Earth – Without hope, the people perish, so I woke up this morning without an alarm, immersed myself in the warm waters of my hot tub and gave thanks for a new day.

Patrick’s in and out of the garbage pail Winter – the snow queen

Patrick’s ramblings on solstice from my journal:  Dec. 23

The snow queen is visiting Portland. my back deck containing my hot tub was ice and I dared to venture into the warm waters of where I was re-birthed – my hot tub.  My dear friend and fellow Scorpio  Franz brought Ken, a lodge singer and another Scorpio who repaired my clear canopy roof over my  my tub.  A limb had crashed through and broken the paper thin cover. Continue reading “Patrick’s in and out of the garbage pail Winter – the snow queen”

The eagles of the darkness

10/18/2011 Patrick’s blog – this is from an old blog of mine.

Reflections on the Shadow

This time of year reminds me of the Owl and Raven, sometimes called “The eagles of the darkness” for their ability to see and hunt in the darkness.  In our Current class, “The Teachings of the West” I use many resource books.  One of these in entitled “Shadow Dance”.  In that book they speak of the “positive” shadow, where we can “lose face”, or not have to use the ego to explain and justify.  The author goes on to say, “A healthy person can tolerate intimidation without having to appease the intimidator.  He or she can tolerate rejection without having to get back at someone for a personal affront.  Fearlessness is simply “no contest” in the face of these conditions of existence and relating; it is defenselessness.   Fearfulness is an inability to be that vulnerable; it is defendedness.  This is why fear is the opposite of love.  People may hurt or scare us, but that no longer compels us to punish or placate them.  Our ruffled ego no longer suborns us with fear of losing face or the desire to win.  Love impels us instead to the warmhearted alternative it always finds”. The fall is the “going within”, the time for introspection and inventory.  This is time to look objectively at our strengths and weaknesses, assets and liabilities. The other animal associated with the west is the Heart-Line Bear.  When we begin the powerful work of soul retrieval, we must not only face the abuse we carry from our abusers, but also feel the pain that made the little one inside go away.  The feelings reside in the heart, and the bear is the protector of this child’s spirit.  In order to get our whole heart back, we must prove to Grandmother Bear that we can love and nurture ourselves.

The “Mirror of the West”

The Autumn Equinox Bear Creek “Heartspace” sweat lodge will be October 1st rather than September 24th.  My good friend Franz will be helping and is out of town on the scheduled date so hopefully the burn ban is off. We will have an orientation/talking circle on Friday Evening, so those intending to join us please arrive Friday, and Invite no one without checking with me.  Also, plan to stay over until Sunday.  Protocol will be sent to those who request.

Continue reading “The “Mirror of the West””

Happy Fourth!

Having grown up in Huntington WV, I love the character of the people of Appalachia “almost heaven”. I earned a B.A and M.A. from Marshall and back in my college days in the 60’s we would go on spring break to Fort Lauderdale – in retrospect there was so much eye clutter in bill boards journeying from WV to Florida. Having lived in the beautiful Northwest since 1978 Continue reading “Happy Fourth!”


There were many sayings in my early AA years that I heard over and over until I really heard them. This is the difference between listening and hearing. In my impatience and ignorance, I often cut people and quit listening, or just be quiet but really don’t “hear.” In my graduate studies, I studied various therapies and the one that improved my own attention was that of the therapy developed by Carl Rogers called the “Rogerian Reflection”, which was both hearing the words and the underlying feeling behind the words and reflecting back what they were feeling rather than what they said.

Continue reading ““Reflection/noitcelfeR””