Heart Space

Dancing and singing with the shadow.

January Prayer – May we appreciate and remember today this food and remember those who are hungry.  May we appreciate our family and friends and remember those who are alone.  May we appreciate our health and remember those who are sick.  May we appreciate the freedoms we have and 1remember those who suffer injustice and tyranny.  Peace on Earth. – A Buddhist Blessing for Food.

Soul loss stems from child abuse, and we are all from the scar clan – the brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.  The balance of be/do.  The important lesson of solitude, which January has taught me – I am being with living my life and following my destiny.  I have been alone since November relearning how to take loving care of myself, and to keep adjusting my attitude from hopelessness to what has heart and meaning.  Acceptance and willingness are the two keys out of the bondage of self.  Elder hood is seeing the world as it is, not how I “want” it to be.  Self love is the key – remembering that I am of the earth – holy, and to see the world with the clarity of the eagle, the wisdom of the buffalo, the humor of clown of the south and the introspection of the west – the bear.  Walking in balance is seeking the middle and avoiding the extremes of good/bad, right/wrong, win/lose and all or nothing thinking.  I am starting my “in person” seven week class on the “Teachings of the 12 steps and the Red Road – Winter to spring. ” on February 1st, Thursday evenings from 7 p.m. – till 8:30p.m.  The seven week class leads in to our spring equinox sweat lodge.  Ceremony is 90% preparation.

January is a time to reflect on the past and glean those gifts that bring us into the new year –  the snow queen who sees only death and destruction.  Stinking thinking is tracking my thoughts and “repenting” or correcting my course each day which is the only thing I have choice – following what has hear

my class is open to 12 “in person” participants.  For two years, I have been using Zoom, which in its own way has been a teacher, but zoom lacks the person to person contact which only comes from the willingness to go to any length, and suit up and show up.   Spring brings us hope of the never ending cycles of birth, death and rebirth – what am I creating today?  The creative fires of the east – each day a new beginning – each breath I take in Love and breath out fear.  Maybe make this a podcast with help from my tech community.


Healing the Shame

So much gratitude for all of the wishes for my belly button birthday of thirty eight ears old.  Or is it 83?

My morning journaling:

“healing the shame that binds me” is taking the first step of the 12.  I am powerless over people, places and things, and of my own devices, I am headed for a self imposed hell.  The promises of AA are much like the treasures gained in silence.  My beast and my beauty are my wild woman/iron john nature, with is indigenous belief that Nature is god’s dancing with goddess – equal.  Our wild nature is our salvation.  Out beyond the good/bad, right/wrong, win/lose and desire, pride and ignorance.  If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will realize our rewards are gratitude expressed by these gifts of life we/I am given.  drum making has taught me much – to cherish each drum I make, knowing there is a place for all in the circle.  Banishment is our worst fear – the excommunication of our holy nature.  No one outside of me can find my value – and I know that creator wants me to sing and dance, and to walk in balance of my lightness and my shadow.  Talking about is fruitless folly – speaking from is the grail – a poet or an artist comes the closest – or the muses.  Laughter is the best medicine.  Holding your fire allows it to transform into noble passion and an appreciation for art and music, good food and good friends.  I both create and use my drums, for if I don’t use my gifts, they dry up and waste away.,, for if the hollow bone or sacred isn’t used, I end up running my life once more.  Loving or “patricking” is manifesting my own essence.  prayer is asking. Meditation is listening.  And opens the gates of wisdom, which is by far the road less traveled. the happy, joyous and free life that can both laugh and cry and wash away my pain. Letting go absolutely of all attachments.   Trust Creator, clean my own house and do what I love – making drums and circulating them around our planet.


Blog from 2010

Community July ‘10


I once heard in a recovery meeting that “if you can put words to it, it is not Spirit”  Oral traditions have been used for teaching for millenniums   Once I attempt to define the indefinable, I create the barrier to the spirit of wh

bear creek Heartspace

at I say.  The mind wants to grasp, analyze, calculate, plot, categorize and understand, which is the nature of the mind.  In the ancient wheel, which is based on living in nature, the seasons are constantly changing as is each day, each moment.  Change is the only thing that is constant.  In the ancient “Mystery Schools” the traditions were oral.  What was written would bring you to a certain point, and after that, the teachings were oral.

I learned from the teachings of the wheel that air is north, fire is east, earth is south and What proceeds understanding is Acceptance.  In my early denial, I read a lot of books on alcoholism seeking to understand, and indeed I understood a lot about alcoholism, but – until I accepted that I, left to my own devices,  was an addict/alcoholic, I had no chance of recovery.

In the classes I teach in my home on indigenous wisdoms, the water, the fall, the evening time proceeds the winter, the dream time, the element air, which is understanding.  What that came to mean for me was the importance of acceptance – until I accepted that I was an addict/alcoholic, I had no chance of recovery.  Acceptance is taking in, going within and reflecting on my life as other than a victim of outside circumstances.  In the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, there is a phrase which states acceptance is the key to all of my problems.  There is one more key ingredient for recovery, and that is willingness.  I have to be willing to go to any length to have my disease lifted and later used those two keys in following my destiny.  Spirit leads the willing and drags the reluctant.


Story was so important in my childhood.  My Grandfather used to tell us stories on his porch, as he whittled on a stick.  He would make up these stories, and they were always changing.  My father did the same.  When I was in college, he was such a great story teller that my classmates would flock to our home just to hear my fathers stories.  Every time the story was told, it was different.  That made it fresh and new each time.  My own little Jasmine loves my stories, which I make up with and for her as a teaching.  The upcoming class is much about story, a wonderful way to teach as our ancestors did.  Let me know if you have any interest in attending the class.


Blessings, Patrick

South to West – 12 steps and the Red Road – Trust

Back in the 1980’s was my transformation from

four fours

the rule of gold into the golden rule. 12 step recovery began in the mid 1970’s and I am coming up on 49 years without my isms. My “devilish” alcoholic insanity took me to the road “down and out”. No one knows Continue reading “South to West – 12 steps and the Red Road – Trust”

New beginnings – morning pages

My last drink was Feb. of 1975.  Working the 12 steps and a prayer on a hill led me to the drum – the heartbeat of my mother. As a drum maker, I have learned the importance of a balanced life of work, play, love and support. The drum hoop is the foundation – the walk around the wheel of life and plant trees to feed and provide for future generations. The red road and 12 steps has been my guide to a life of gratitude and hope. I have been given this day to “hook up” to ki, chi or the higher power that guides me. Each morning I either wake up with yesterday or I I see with “new eyes” as a child – becoming childlike rather than childish.
Embracing my yin/yang nature is the path of happiness, abundance and joy – singing my/our songs once more. The drum is my mother – her heart and mine beating as one.
My mind, my creative fire, my groundedness and roots and my journey back to spirit is the gift of life.
Both and – clear mind, intention, perseverance and courage and widsom to change what I can, which is my own attitude – is it one of entitlement or gratitude? Embracing my beast and my beauty, and walking the red road – from body to spirit. The gift of life to use my gifts or waste chasing love. Be still, and the guidance will come. In nature I heal.
Embrace the diversity within and forgiveness for my past ignorance. Walking around the wheel of life – mind, spirit, body and soul is both woman/man inside – each day, I have a do-over… to let go of expectations and be grateful for what I have. – the walk around the wheel of life and the four ridges – the unborn and newborn, the children and adolescents, the adults and the elders – I am an elder who has wizened or been wizened by my decent into the underworld to rescue the lost souls. I was/am a spiritual being in a human experience. My creator has three answers to my prayers yes, no and wait. Impatience is ignorance extended. Meditation is listening for divine guidance – having patience is heartspace. In the beautiful “Pachamama” song, there is a verse that goes….”there’s no highs nor lows, there is nowhere you need to go, just inside of you is a star, saying just be as you are. The nature of me is to relax my asshole and let go of “trying”, which is “lying”. In my work with shadow, the mirror is used to see the beast and beauty in myself, and feed the beauty a bit more than the beast. “I have seen the enemy, and it is me”. Self love develops esteem – I am no greater nor lesser than you – I have only to let you in – open to revive and receive the radiance inside – this is my “luster” the root of lust. At the winter of my life, hospice has five stages before we return to the “happy hunting ground” Please forgive me, I forgive you, thank you, I love you and goodbye. The eagle guided me to both Portland and Carson. Chivito, my friends and I are collaborating to bring back a school of drum making, rattle making, drum circles and eco-phychology at bear creek – a school, church of the sweat lodge, sauna and hot tubs and organically grown food prepared with loving intent from our sacred Mother Earth – Without hope, the people perish, so I woke up this morning without an alarm, immersed myself in the warm waters of my hot tub and gave thanks for a new day.

Patrick’s in and out of the garbage pail Winter – the snow queen

Patrick’s ramblings on solstice from my journal:  Dec. 23

The snow queen is visiting Portland. my back deck containing my hot tub was ice and I dared to venture into the warm waters of where I was re-birthed – my hot tub.  My dear friend and fellow Scorpio  Franz brought Ken, a lodge singer and another Scorpio who repaired my clear canopy roof over my  my tub.  A limb had crashed through and broken the paper thin cover. Continue reading “Patrick’s in and out of the garbage pail Winter – the snow queen”

The eagles of the darkness

10/18/2011 Patrick’s blog – this is from an old blog of mine.

Reflections on the Shadow

This time of year reminds me of the Owl and Raven, sometimes called “The eagles of the darkness” for their ability to see and hunt in the darkness.  In our Current class, “The Teachings of the West” I use many resource books.  One of these in entitled “Shadow Dance”.  In that book they speak of the “positive” shadow, where we can “lose face”, or not have to use the ego to explain and justify.  The author goes on to say, “A healthy person can tolerate intimidation without having to appease the intimidator.  He or she can tolerate rejection without having to get back at someone for a personal affront.  Fearlessness is simply “no contest” in the face of these conditions of existence and relating; it is defenselessness.   Fearfulness is an inability to be that vulnerable; it is defendedness.  This is why fear is the opposite of love.  People may hurt or scare us, but that no longer compels us to punish or placate them.  Our ruffled ego no longer suborns us with fear of losing face or the desire to win.  Love impels us instead to the warmhearted alternative it always finds”. The fall is the “going within”, the time for introspection and inventory.  This is time to look objectively at our strengths and weaknesses, assets and liabilities. The other animal associated with the west is the Heart-Line Bear.  When we begin the powerful work of soul retrieval, we must not only face the abuse we carry from our abusers, but also feel the pain that made the little one inside go away.  The feelings reside in the heart, and the bear is the protector of this child’s spirit.  In order to get our whole heart back, we must prove to Grandmother Bear that we can love and nurture ourselves.