New beginnings – morning pages

My last drink was Feb. of 1975.  Working the 12 steps and a prayer on a hill led me to the drum – the heartbeat of my mother. As a drum maker, I have learned the importance of a balanced life of work, play, love and support. The drum hoop is the foundation – the walk around the wheel of life and plant trees to feed and provide for future generations. The red road and 12 steps has been my guide to a life of gratitude and hope. I have been given this day to “hook up” to ki, chi or the higher power that guides me. Each morning I either wake up with yesterday or I I see with “new eyes” as a child – becoming childlike rather than childish.
Embracing my yin/yang nature is the path of happiness, abundance and joy – singing my/our songs once more. The drum is my mother – her heart and mine beating as one.
My mind, my creative fire, my groundedness and roots and my journey back to spirit is the gift of life.
Both and – clear mind, intention, perseverance and courage and widsom to change what I can, which is my own attitude – is it one of entitlement or gratitude? Embracing my beast and my beauty, and walking the red road – from body to spirit. The gift of life to use my gifts or waste chasing love. Be still, and the guidance will come. In nature I heal.
Embrace the diversity within and forgiveness for my past ignorance. Walking around the wheel of life – mind, spirit, body and soul is both woman/man inside – each day, I have a do-over… to let go of expectations and be grateful for what I have. – the walk around the wheel of life and the four ridges – the unborn and newborn, the children and adolescents, the adults and the elders – I am an elder who has wizened or been wizened by my decent into the underworld to rescue the lost souls. I was/am a spiritual being in a human experience. My creator has three answers to my prayers yes, no and wait. Impatience is ignorance extended. Meditation is listening for divine guidance – having patience is heartspace. In the beautiful “Pachamama” song, there is a verse that goes….”there’s no highs nor lows, there is nowhere you need to go, just inside of you is a star, saying just be as you are. The nature of me is to relax my asshole and let go of “trying”, which is “lying”. In my work with shadow, the mirror is used to see the beast and beauty in myself, and feed the beauty a bit more than the beast. “I have seen the enemy, and it is me”. Self love develops esteem – I am no greater nor lesser than you – I have only to let you in – open to revive and receive the radiance inside – this is my “luster” the root of lust. At the winter of my life, hospice has five stages before we return to the “happy hunting ground” Please forgive me, I forgive you, thank you, I love you and goodbye. The eagle guided me to both Portland and Carson. Chivito, my friends and I are collaborating to bring back a school of drum making, rattle making, drum circles and eco-phychology at bear creek – a school, church of the sweat lodge, sauna and hot tubs and organically grown food prepared with loving intent from our sacred Mother Earth – Without hope, the people perish, so I woke up this morning without an alarm, immersed myself in the warm waters of my hot tub and gave thanks for a new day.

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