“TO BE INSPIRED, HANG OUT WITH INSPIRATIONAL PEOPLE WHO WILL LIGHT YOUR FIRE”

Authentic love springs forth from the well of self love.  We take loving care of what we hold as sacred.  Taking care, tending to and watching over to keep out of harms way and making that begin with me….inside-out.  I begin with myself.

What seems sometimes to be misunderstood as”selfish” often keeps us from tending to our own mind, body, spirit and tribe.  In my road to recovery, I transitioned out of daily AA meetings into learning the lessons that I drank to escape.  The old timers will tell you the only way out is through, for to face my demons and give them expression is the dance of the shadow. I learned that alcoholics are not bad people attempting to be good, rather sick people as in dis-eased.  So my prayers are for ease and grace.

Those spaces that I have by myself are like water to quench the thirst of my soul.  I have a lot of contact with people.  Having friends to hang out with is good for my soul.  The two pictured on the left are two of the dear friends who have touched my life.  My friend Ted is a music therapist and drum circle facilitator, yet these do not define his compassionate and loving  nature.  Bob, on the left has taught me much about meditation and non violent communication, and was a successful business owner who walks a spiritual path.

A good friend is like oasis  in the midst of the turbulence of the world. And, I also get so much from solitude.  This weekend, I was alone for a couple of nights at Bear Creek.  I journeyed down to Carson hot springs on Friday, and made an appointment for a soak in the healing waters and a massage.  My soak was heavenly and my massage was relaxing , but not great.

Not all massage therapists are created equal, just as all doctors are not healers.    Who I let in, or who I allow to touch me is becoming more important.  Touch is what I long for, yet some of the touch I get is less than healing and who I touch is in fact none of my business.

For years, I would look for reactions to what I say, and adjusted in the way of all co-dependents.  Drum circles have taught me about interdependence and the importance of going within (Fall and winter teachings) to find what my rhythm is at the moment.

With self-centered fear comes the birth of a false pride that was an act, or a mask that I wore or wear that tends to seperate me from my heart..

In my two years at “Wy East”,( a teaching center that taught native ways in the “80’s) doing the first men’s “rounds,” This is where I first learned to make a drum.  I also, during the winter (North) gate, learned how to make a death mask.  That mask hangs on the west wall of our circle, and reminds me of the importance of FACING MY DEATH.  “Its a good day to die”is an expression reminding us to tie up the loose ends and get rid of the clutter in our minds, bodies, spirits and feelings.  Notice the circle, triangle and heart, which are on the front page of my website.  The thing that was most recently added is the swirl.

My friend Roger Long gifted me this framed image of his living script and our logo – two visions blending together.  Roger is also the giver of branch water to all he knows.  We  use this water at bear creek in our lodges and is the sprigs of the conifers left in the water which combines the wisdom of the tree with our healing waters.

Mandi and I have been working together with therapists, teachers and doctors to help Jasmine help herself, and to help break the “spells” that have been cast by the separation of her mom and I.  The progress has been slow, but steady.  Mandi makes it possible for these solitary outings to Bear Creek, which soothes my soul and awakens me again to true nature.

I heal in the natural rhythms of nature, with its ever changing face.  This week was rain – all weekend, the rains came, and I gave thanks for the healing waters.  Bear creek was roaring and the ground was soaked.  Starting a fire and heating the place was my first chore, as most all of our heat in our shop is generated by wood.  I envisioned our home constructed of the timber frames that are under the shop- overhang now, one step closer to becoming a shelter for others to learn and heal together.

I reflect back to how far I have come there – from vacant land to a well, septic and shop plus two  cabins.  I am excited to dream of what is next there and here in Portland, and how those interconnect, as I love both.

Women are connected with the natural rhythms of the moon.  Jasmine just had her first moon, and she has many women who know this as a right of passage.  Men do not have their own natural purification and renewal process, therefore they must come to the Sweat Lodge ceremony for purification.

I have heard many “gems” at recovery meetings and in the sweat lodge – one is that addicts/alcoholics do not have relationships, they take hostages.  My lower Scorpio nature has caused me a good deal of turbulence yet love has lifted me like the eagle.  The wreckage was from the wounded child, and due to my ignorance and lack of initiation.

I have always loved beauty, and sought it outside of myself, yet as I grow older, I realize that I first have to be true to myself, and to minimize the self betrayals.  My gratitude card this morning was “My heart is a deep lake of loving kindness.  I count myself fortunate to hold tenderness within my soul.  I forgive myself my fears, frailties, and failures.  I am compassionate toward myself in times of turbulence and change.”

Blessings, Patrick, Mandi and reluctant Jasmine.