Quietness

            A “principal” of the pipe is that of silence and stilling the mind.  The Mingo/Seneca peoples created this by “Going into the Silence”, which was like the “vision quest”, yet was just something they did.  To spend three nights and four days alone in nature is refreshing for the soul.  To learn to love and nurture myself in my solitude has been a great discovery, full of demons and fears.  I once heard at the edge of silence come the demons.  The void can be fertile or chaotic.  Without clear intention, the void is filled with random chaos.  The thing that I have learned is to call in the highest spirits with intention.  Cleaning up my own clutter was first taught to me in recovery.  They told me to do a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself, and to share this with another.  My loving sponsor watched me take these directions and turn this inventory into a seventy-six dissertation on what I had done “wrong”.  When I presented him this “paper”, he read it and laughed.  He said you are giving countless examples of the symptoms of an underlying cause and reminded me that an inventory is a balance of positive and negative.  He helped me trace the symptoms to the underlying error thought – self centered fear.  Out of the self-centered fear is birthed false pride, greed, lust, avarice, covet ness, Pride and sloth. Also, among the barriers to sprits flow through us is perfectionism and procrastination.  I have noticed successful and “animated” people see and act in a less fearful way.  Step four of recovery is that we took a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves.  When I do this, I expose what is, rather than hide.  When I hide, I regress.  When I expose, I progress.  Exposing my secrets takes courage, and I know when I am progressing, for my heart races.  When I risk, I expand.  When I posture, I implode.  This process of expansion/contraction is the basis of change.  The new will come in through release of the old.  I reinvent myself each moment, and as I follow my fears, dance toward my wounds, my integrity grows.

““GO OVER IN THE CORNER AND COUNT YOURSELF”

I was told, as I complained about the actions of others to my wise sponsor.  What can I do about the “gossip, judgments and abuse I saw in the clubhouse where I attended daily AA meetings         I asked?  Don’t do it yourself, he replied.  Work in the solution, not the problem.  Be a positive example rather than a critic he would tell me.  I have been guided in a “shamanic journey” regarding these shifts to beware of building anything on personalities, rather sick with the principals.  I would rather see a sermon than hear one.  My friend Leon and I would joyfully play on the golf course with the “Missouri” philosophy.  Show me.  State your intention of where you will hit the ball and create that outcome.  False Pride is what Bill Wilson was talking about when he referred to “Ego deflation at depth”, the prerequisite of recovery.  Humility is gained in recovery through selfless service.  I have had this discussion with my teacher and friend Leon, and we disagreed on the concept of “Original Sin” verses “Original Blessing”.  It seems to me that this is the core of most all behavior, forgiveness and judgment.  We are spiritual beings in a human experience.  As long as I believe this, my behavior can be discerned from who I am, and if I trust the truth in this, I am able to forgive myself and others for behaviors that are not aligned with my highest good, and the highest good for others.  My sponsor taught through his actions, which were aligned with his words.  He had no “need” to talk about others, judge them, or compare himself with others.  When conflict occurred in meetings, as it often does when some drunk comes in and disrupts the meeting, he was the picture of serenity.  He lived the program, and lived by the wisdom of the simple prayer we spoke at the beginning of each meeting – “God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference” He taught me to let go of my judgments and attachments to being right or compare myself with others, and reminded me that acceptance was the key to all of my problems.

            Sure, there was gossip, dysfunction, and imperfect behavior around AA meetings, yet I could be a model for a new and more congruent way   Judge not lest you be judged.  “Live and let Live”.  These are the spiritual principals of recovery, and of a life of Grace and Ease.  We are given Grace by a power, or powers greater than ourselves, and this is freely given to each child of spirit.

            In the circle, each person is equal.  Horizontal flows happen naturally when self esteem is present.  Respect for me flows from self respect.  I am one… no less than or greater than another.  If I am granted more than I can use, I can share this with others who may have less than I, yet giving at my expense depletes me.  If my friend is hungry, I feed them.  By sharing my bounty, I am practicing philanthropy.  In Philanthropy, there are five levels of giving.  The lowest level is giving because someone asks, i.e. do you have any spare change?

The next highest is giving for recognition, i.e. all the buildings and art centers named for the giver.  The next highest is feeding the hungry, followed by teaching the hungry how to feed themselves.  The highest levels of giving are those gifts that are given without clamor or recognition.  Those gifts that I give that no one knows except me and the spirits.  Those gifts are the foundation of the most precious grail of humility.  The sacred grows in the silence and hidden.  The wise hold what they know so that the sacred grows.  Lynx teaches me silence, for lynx I was told is the know-er of knowledge.  When I know something, I have no “need” to convince others, and my knowledge is given only when asked, with proper respect.  Medicine men and women of old were valued and supported by the tribes without question.  Today, this tradition has atrophied, and in my store, I educate people about the offering.  When you seek council from a wise teacher or Medicine Person, you bring an offering.  The offering of tobacco was a traditional way to approach those Medicine people.  You would never hand tobacco to them, rather set it down and make your request.  If they accept to be your teacher, they will pick up the tobacco, which is agreeing to be your teacher, mentor and guide.  Today, I suggest money be given.  Authentic Medicine people would never “ask” for money, yet I see many who have chosen this path really struggle with financial matters.  I encourage those who seek council to give money.  How much they ask?  I say give until it feels good, not till it hurts.  Giving and receiving are one, as my breath shows me each moment – I give out, I take in.  My heart knows these laws of circulation, yet when I barricade my heart, I stop the flow.  Love is given freely, and is returned freely, without resistances or barriers.  At my mother’s funeral, I read from the bible the beautiful statement on Love from Corinthians.  Love is not jealous, does not put on airs.  More…..

In my fifty years of alcohol free living and a good foundation in many years of Big Book of AA big book discussionand Step meetings. My wise sponsor suggested I cut the “discussion meetings” and attend only step meetings based on “Twelve Steps and 12 Traditions”. I carry those early learnings which seem to be the cornerstones of a happy, joyous and free life.

This morning, I went out to greet the morning in my hot tub – I soaked until my body absorbed the heat and got out and left the lid to the hot tub up…. and 45 minutes later, I re-entered at seven a.m. I placed a hummingbird feeder facing the west direction and on the roof of my neighbor business to my west. they erected an image of Tarus the bull on their flat roof. The second entry into the warm waters, I was greeted by a hummingbird. My name pinson means little bird. The AIR messangers come from my neighboring business which is the west direction crows, raptors and hummers. The animals of the element the air – seagull, the condor/eagle, the hawk, falcoln osprey, the owl of the west and the creatures of the upper world.

In my many years of AA meetings, I heard certain things that still resonate – one is about the two sins. What are the greatest sins?  Interfering with another’s evolution or my own evolution.  We are spiritual beings in a human experience.  I am Patrick.  I am the light and I am the dark.  I am the spiral, the triangle, the circle the square and the cross.  Those five symbols are the structure of the all that is.

I have had the rare treasure of having actualized my potential to at least so much more than I once was.  I am not the man I want to be but thank spirit I am not the man I used to be.  I have created many drums in my latter years on this planet, and but for the grace of God, may I create many more.  I will soon turn 85 years young.  I have walked through many winters, and I am grateful that I have this day to be thankful for.  Today I seem to be on track.  Tracking is an ancient art, whether tracking an animal or tracking a ball in table tennis, I have sharpened my skills. 

     Sometimes I feel off track, lethargic and stuck.  That usually happens when I have procrastinated taking care of my affairs and the ones that I care about.  Today, I feel a bit more centered.  Deena Speer, in her personal work with me and my daughter has helped me learn to “zip up”.  There is a place in each one of us where there is perfect peace.  Often when we are in another’s vibrational field, we lose our own centeredness and feel off balance.  Zipping up is the process of staying in my own field while honoring the other.  From My own center and stillness, I can allow my breath to move me.   When I was a boy my dad bought a small home in Jupiter Florida where I attended kindergarten and first grade.  My mother and her mother, my grandma and my dad’s dad, my grandpa lived there also.  I remember the hurricanes where the children were herded to the schoolhouse basement.  We waited for the fury of mother nature to pass.  I remember the eye of the hurricane as the storm moved through the small town.  There was a wonderful stillness in that eye, and yet that stillness was only temporary.   I thank the spirits for this gift of the breath of life.  Tracking and breathing are what I teach and practice each day.  When I forget, I become dis-membered.  Then I have to re-member.  There is no teaching that you don’t already know.  I might say something to re-mind you of what you deeply know.  What resonates with your truth?  Truth isn’t “opinion”, truth is a resonance.  I make drums.  Drums resonate.  you.  The drum is the heartbeat of my sacred mother earth and my teacher.  When I can calm the mad monkey of the mind, I can return to that quiet place within where there is peace.  In shamanism, the job of the healer is to re-connect each day to my Chi, Ki or center, as so many are caught up in the turbulence.  Drums, rattles and flutes help me remain sane.